What to Say Instead… of Accidentally Body Shaming Things Parents Say All the Time
I know that I have made and will make major mistakes with my own kids. It’s inevitable. Parenting is definitely the hardest and most transformative role I will ever take on.
But I do appreciate learning from parent’s who know more than I do, like my own parents and the guests on 3in30 Podcast for Moms.
As a weight inclusive, non-diet dietitian and mom, I’ve learned some things that I would love to share with you to help your kids grow up with a little less food and body shame than we did.
Here’s the big hint: When in doubt, close your mouth...
Instead of:
No more cookies, you’ll make yourself sick!
What you can say instead:
You want another cookie? Sorry they’re all gone...
You ate what I served at the table.
We ate all the cookies at the table.
So and so didn’t get any, let’s make sure everyone gets some.
...we’ll have more tomorrow at lunch!
Instead of:
Eat your broccoli, it’s good for you.
What you can say instead:
Here’s your meal! Today we’re having yummy broccoli, pasta, chicken, and pineapple.
*Then you enjoy your meal while you talk about everything other than food and body size at the table and let your kids choose how much and whether they eat what is served*
How you can teach about nutrition (if you really want to):
*FYI these are for fun facts and learning, Do NOT use these to pressure kids to make a particular food choice.
Broccoli does lots of things for our bodies! It feeds the bugs (microbiome) in our gut, and helps our heart, bones, skin, brain, and more! It’s also an important part of our favorite broccoli salad that we love to eat at family parties.
Cookies do a little bit for our bodies! They give us quick energy and help us celebrate since we have special recipes that are part of our family traditions.
Oatmeal does lots of things for our bodies. It gives us energy for a few hours, gives our brain food and helps our hearts, feeds our gut bugs and is a fun part of our family camping tradition.
Instead of:
You are SO skinny, you need to eat more food!
What you can say instead:
It can be really hard to resist sometimes, but just DON’T SAY ANYTHING.
Whether they are smaller or larger than you expect, resist commenting on your child’s body size or looks, especially avoid comparing to other siblings and/or friends.
I trust your body to grow like it’s uniquely designed to do.
When in doubt, close your mouth.
Instead of:
I can’t eat that, it will make me fat.
My body is gross.
This food will make me gain weight.
This food will kill me.
What you can say instead
It can be SO easy to unintentionally put our food and body struggles onto our kids. Of course you don’t want your kids to struggle like you do!
It’s okay if you find yourself saying these kinds of things to your kids. You are human and we have all been taught and socialized to talk this way about food and our bodies.
But we can let them have a better experience right?
No matter where you are with your own relationship with your body, the best thing you can do is cut those kinds of comments out of your vocabulary.
You might find it impossible to make positive comments about your own body, but next I’ll give you some ideas for how to talk to your kids about their own bodies.
Shifting the way you talk or don’t talk about bodies can be a brave step toward a better relationship with your own body. Words are powerful things.
How to talk about what our bodies DO
Wow your strong legs are helping you dance with so much energy!
My arms are so good at giving you hugs!
Do you like to color?
I saw you jump so high!
I see you dressed up so fancy, what game are you playing?
What to say when you kid asks, why are you doing that? [exercising]
I move my body so I can have energy to play with you!
I like to exercise to warm up my body.
I like to take care of my body so I don’t have aches and pains.
I move my body so I can feel happier.
My brain works better when I get my heart pumping!
I want to take care of my heart.
What you can say when your kid asks, do I need to exercise too?
We all need to move, but you run around and jump up and down when you play outside. Let’s make sure you get some outside time!
When kids say:
Why is she fat?
Are you fat?
Why are you fat?
You need to not eat so much.
I need to gain/lose weight because I’m too skinny/fat.
What you can say:
All bodies are good bodies
Why do you think that?
Where did you hear that?
Start a discussion to get down to what they are worried or afraid of.
I love you no matter what and you belong no matter what.
That person has a larger body, they are such a good teacher/friend/athlete/artist.
Bodies come in all shapes and sizes.
Is there something wrong with large bodies? Small bodies? Short? Tall? Different colored skin? Different religion or culture? Discuss.
Each body is different. Aren’t you glad you are the only you?
Aren’t you glad that I’m your ___________?
I eat food to take care of my body because I respect myself.
You get to choose how much food to eat because only you know what my body needs and wants.
I get to choose how much food to eat because only I know what my body needs and wants.
I hope you can use these as tools to help you confidently approach your kids growing bodies and the dinner table.
❤ Lauresa
