PART II: HOW TO STOP THE SELF SABOTAGE
I'm excited to give you this two part series on how to stop self sabotage (AKA how to stop doing the things that prevent you from doing what you actually want to be doing). See part I here.
PART II: HOW TO STOP THE SELF SABOTAGE
This part is important: You get to choose. You are meant and created to make choices!
This means that when you aren't making choices in your life (letting things happen to you), or you're in a relationship that is infringing on your personal autonomy, OR you're making choices that don't line up with who you are at your core (your values), then you won't feel great.
You'll probably feel pretty stuck. Or hopeless. Or frustrated. Or you might find yourself self sabotaging at every step.
You want to know the number one thing that intrudes on your personal autonomy (AKA your power to make choices)????
Pretty much anything prescribed by diet culture.
- a diet
- a weight loss diet
- a beauty regimen dictated by the "you're not good enough" messages
- a meal plan
- a set of rules dictating what you can and cannot eat
- write your own here.........
Okay I might be headed toward a tangent, so lets resume.
What did you identify from part I? Why are you stopping yourself from doing what you want to do? Go back and do one of the journal exercises. You won't regret it!
If you haven't realized yet, the best way to stop self-sabotage is to do the inner work to figure out what is really going on. Then your next step forward will be abundantly clear! If it's not, it's time to talk to a friend. I'd love to help you move forward too!
There is one more category that I haven't mentioned yet, and this one is SO important. Especially if you don't identify with anything from Part I. I'll give you an example.
Busy season. Pure productivity. Running around getting so much done. Feeling great about my ability to do so much good and I'm even "taking care of myself" by getting out of the house and going on hikes and runs. After a while this busy season feels normal. Like I always live my life like this.
Suddenly. I find myself unable to write a single word. My mind has shut down. I can't get myself to leave the couch. I no longer respond to friend's messages. I am certainly not exercising.
Is that self sabotage??
I'm saying no. Sometimes what looks like self-sabotage is actually your body and mind recovering from a lot of stress.
Maybe you're just tired.
Take a day or a week. I know life goes on and the demands don't all go away, but we can take away our own demands.
We can ask our kids or partner or roommates for help. We can sit down for a minute rather than pushing through the exhaustion to finish that one last thing.
We can decide to just not do that thing that in reality is totally optional and not going to alter the course of life forever.
We can certainly not use all the limited energy on a physical activity that only leaves us feeling drained.
Joyful movement comes from excess, not exhaustion. Otherwise it's called punishment.
Okay that was a lot. Let's recap:
- Do the work to put a finger on what is interfering with your personal autonomy.
- Do your actions line up with your values?
- Remember that diet culture = anything that encourages you to focus on NOT trusting yourself and making your own decisions
- Find your next step (ask a trusted friend for help if needed!)
- Maybe you're just tired.
- Take a break and let your energy return.
- We all need loads of self compassion
You are wonderful. Thank you for reading. I really would love to hear what you think and if you learned anything about yourself!
❤ Lauresa
